Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
