Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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