just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
