I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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