mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also, beer. Big fan.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
