Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Randomize
