I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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