Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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