You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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