He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
