These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
