does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
