you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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