Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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