so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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