my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
