Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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