I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
