We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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