why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
