So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
