hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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