Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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