Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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