I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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