One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
