Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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