you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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