go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's never too late to be topless.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
