What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
