he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
