You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
