i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
