just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
