Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
