i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
