I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
