Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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