if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
