lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
