he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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