he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
