O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
