VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
