This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
