If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
