he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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