I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
