I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
