Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
sex in a hospital.. check
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
